Home » blog » Don’t Be “That Fan”

Posted by on August 18th, 2011 in blog, CFF Features, Craig Blaser, Uncategorized | 11 Comments

Alright, we have all seen this guy at the games; and in some cases, you are this guy and don’t even know it. Well, here’s a news flash for ya bro, everyone is either laughing at you or completely disgusted by you. There is a vast difference between being a college football freak and just plain being a jackass. A freak not only has season duckets, or just wears the gear, flies the flag in his yard, and rocks a bumper sticker; he actually knows his team, the offense, the defense, the specials, players by name, tendencies, etc… “That fan” on the other hand, sees Saturdays as another opportunity to relive his college Halloween party days by pretending to be someone their not… cool.

 

The first and most prevalent “that fan” we see is the “too drunk to stand, let alone comprehend what is happening on the field guy.” This knob is usually the one who attempts to start a “D- Fence” chant during his own team’s 4th and 25 punt situation. You know, the same tool who burdens his friends with the daunting task of holding the back of his belt the entire game to keep him from falling into the nice family of four sitting in front of them. This clown yells obscenities throughout the game that would make South Georgia Peanuts Manager Wally Backman blush (if you don’t know of Wally’s antics, youtube it and thank me later). This is the guy that home-town fans feel the need to apologize to opposing fans for. He’s lucky to make it to half time before puking his burrito, Natty Light, and guts out in the men’s room trough (side note: what’s the deal with the trough urinal anyway? The stadium men’s room is reality’s version of Thunderdome… two men enter, one man leaves).

 

“Excessive High-Five Guy”: seriously man? Don’t get me wrong, I love celebrating a touchdown, big sack, or key turnover as much as the next guy; but do we really need to high five when when you are successful at finding which helmet the football is under on the jumbotron switcharoo game?  Or when Florida’s mascot Albert the alligator locks his fake jaws around the neck of a nine year old wearing a Seminoles cap?

“Purchased Team Letter Jacket Guy”: Although you don’t actually attend Notre Dame, you picked up the jacket because you aspire to get your grades up at the local juco and somehow miraculously walk-on and be a letterman of the Irish someday. Sorry Rudy, you most definitely are “that fan”… You’re 5 foot nothin’, 100 and nothin’, and don’t have a speck of athletic ability; and you hung in there with the best high school flame outs in the land for 2 years…hit the bricks ya pip squeak, and take off that silly ass jacket.

“Monday morning quarterback on Saturday afternoon/second-guessing every call the coach makes guy”: Awesome job buddy! You impressed absolutely nobody when you informed the entire section of 308 that running that reverse on 3rd down was a mistake. There is a reason why you are sitting in the stands and the coach is down on the sidelines with a headset (unless of course you are Joe Pa, in which case there is a good reason you are sitting in the booth.)

 

If any of these have struck a nerve, I am happy to be the one to break the bad news to you. My list of “That Fan” could go on for miles including stadium favorites like “Likes to start the wave guy”, “Shirtless fat guy”, and “try to pick a fight guy”… but I’d like to hear from you true fans about “that fan” that makes your Saturdays memorable for not necessarily the right reasons.

 

Please post your “That Fan” story in the comments below and try your best not to be him.

 

11 Comments

11 Comments for this entry

  1. Jason Hildenbrand says:

    Yea… There’s no stopping “Whip old guys in the face with rubber snake guy” or “guy who rips on said player to an actual family member” guy.

  2. Douglas B says:

    How dare you forget “jersey guy”, and I don’t mean Paulie D. While I love the team spirit, nobody, and I mean nobody should wear the ‘official team’ jersey, regardless if it came with the Riddel shoulder pads. The worst is the ‘hockey jersey guy’, but that’s neither here nor there. I get that you love Tebow, however me, Tebow and everyone else in section 204 hates you. And if tucking that night gown into your 550 tapered Levi’s wasn’t enough, you then want it autographed! There’s a reason you’re unemployed, under educated and on this list…

    • Craig says:

      Classic! Not sure how I forget jersey guy… Especially “personalized name plate jersey guy”

    • DP says:

      doug b nailed that one on the head….

    • BB says:

      At the risk this may turn into Friday Night Confessions or something, I will admit I was “jersey guy” when a certain family member played for a certain NFL team. Yep, wore it to all the home games, but I refrained from actually asking my him to sign it, so that’s not so bad, right? Right? Sorry, I’m developing a complex as I write…

      • BB says:

        I just remembered how to make myself feel better about this…I was unfortunate enough to witness “puke my 17 Natty Lights before halftime” guy once, so I’ll proudly don my replica jersey any day over causing such a scene. Wasn’t college enough to get it out of your system, pal?

      • CB says:

        Wearing a family member’s jersey might be ok, although you would have to bare the burden of having to take the wrath of “too drunk to stand but still able to talk smack about said family member guy” if your said Kin drops a pass or misses a block. Having witnessed a relative of once first rounder of the Broncos George Foster wearing his jersey taking an ear full from “that fan,” I would advise against it. On the other hand, be proud of your sibling… By wearing a nice collared team shirt

        • BB says:

          It’s a small miracle that I was able to avoid that guy for four or five seasons, because he was literally everywhere. I wonder if you followed that guy home, what would the rest of his day look like? Presumably in mom’s basement, ordering her to bring him his dinner, something like Will Ferrell’s character in Wedding Crashers.

  3. JK says:

    You forgot the worst kind of fan. The “likes to start ponzi-schemes and bilk millions out of innocent investors in order to pay prostitutes for players, throw lavish parties in hotel rooms booked under the alias, “Teddy Dupay”, and donate stolen money to the college president, all so he can overcome a Napoleon complex” guy. I swear, those guys are everywhere.

  4. DP says:

    ^man that would be the worst

  5. H-LANDER says:

    Has anyone had the unfortunate event of sitting next to “Whip you in the face with his rubber snake guy”

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