Erstwhile Arkansas head football coach Bobby Petrino should soon have plenty of time on his hands to reflect on an impressive run of poor decision-making, outright lying, and shameful shenanigans. What looked at first like a serious motorcycle accident only, quickly opened up a boar’s nest of trouble, as it was soon revealed that Petrino not only had a young lady friend on the back of the bike, but that said lady friend was a very special kind of friend, of the sort that married men with four children should not be acquainted with. Oh, and Bobby’s lady friend was also engaged to be married. Oh, and Bobby had hired the lady friend as a recruiting coordinator recently, out of 159 total applicants for the position. It is unclear what was on the job description, but I might suggest that what was not on the job description was apparently the difference maker for this young lady. What a pig that Bobby is!
After initially placing Petrino on paid leave as the truth began to surface – truth being a known allergen to Petrino -, Arkansas athletic director Jeff Long came to the realization that Petrino had to be considered a short timer, given his hog wild ways. Long must have been shocked that a pathological liar would lie to him, too. A pattern of deception that had spanned Petrino’s entire professional life (and likely safe to say his personal life as well) surely could not have been expected to come to an abrupt halt upon his arrival in hog heaven. This is akin to a person finding a new love interest whom is already married, then somehow expecting this new love to be faithful to him or her, whereas they clearly were not with their prior spouse. Speaking of spouses, don’t you wonder whether Bobby’s better half (how could she not be, right?) will stand by her feral husband?
As we witnessed with the Joe Paterno scandal at Penn State (who’s next, Bo Pelini?), Razorback fans clearly have no tolerance for anything that disrupts their quest for sustained relevance in the SEC. Based on a sampling of opinions, they overwhelming couldn’t care less whom their coach selects as his pelvic affiliate (to borrow a favorite term from a former boss of mine), so long as he wins on the field. I, for one, find it extremely disheartening to know that we are as uninterested in the ethics of our coaches as we are with the ethics of our elected representatives. I seem to remember another rather high-ranking man from the State of Arkansas a few years back, whose indiscretions were widely excused based on his position alone. It’s the world we live in.
One thing is for certain – State of Irrelevance University needs a football coach, and they will come a callin’ for ol’ Bobby, integrity be darned. After a couple of years’ worth of toiling in mediocrity at SIU, one of the big boys will find themselves in need of a coach and, feeling the pressure to win and win big, they too will come after the one-time disgraced Petrino. I, for one, do not wish for this to happen, but the desire to win trumps integrity, logic, and reason on a daily basis in the world of life and sports. And that, my friends, is the Long and the short of it. Besides, I likely cannot keep the hog references coming indefinitely, so I’ll have to excuse myself.
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