Home » blog » Honey Badger Takes Hooch Hiatus

Posted by on October 22nd, 2011 in blog, Brady Baylor, CFF Features, Uncategorized | No Comments

Imagine yourself a real honey badger for a moment.  You’ve just finished a typical day’s work of trashing and eating a few King Cobras, reminding predators three times your size that you are game, anytime, anywhere they want to do it, and then you’re left to yourself for the evening.  Well, perhaps you and a few close friends, whom you kindly, but firmly remind that it is only by your liberal display of mercy that they’ll live to see the next morning.  The only real option you have at this point is to partake in a little sampling of synthetic cannabinoids to help take the edge off of a day that, for you, was easy enough, but nonetheless got the adrenaline pumping.


LSU’s Honey Badger, cornerback Tyrann Mathieu, is no different, so that’s exactly what he did, and now he’s being held out of today’s matchup against the defending national champion Auburn Tigers because of it.  His buddies, cornerback Tharold Simon and running back Spencer Ware, will join him in sitting out of the contest, although they likely were just doing what they had to do to avoid the Honey Badger stripping their skin off with his teeth and eating them alive.  Naturally, local reporters were clamoring for an interview with the Honey Badger, but they were only able to collect sound bites as Mathieu repeatedly circled the drive-through of a fried gator restaurant.


Les Miles has probably crafted a voodoo doll of Mathieu so he can torture it at any point in the game when things aren’t exactly going LSU’s way.  Or, would the doll itself then tear into Miles as the Honey Badger does his opponents?  Perhaps it would.


Mathieu’s body of work includes 4 forced fumbles, 3 recovered fumbles, and 2 touchdowns, which are not numbers your average cornerback is putting up midway through a season.  It’s been enough to warrant him legitimate consideration as a Heisman contender, but it’s unclear how synthetic swazi will play with the voters.  It’s a real possibility that they’ll say it’s conduct unbecoming of a Heisman winner, but is it entirely unbecoming of a honey badger?  Or, they could fear for their lives and they’ve already decided they’ll give it to him, even if he’s suspended for the rest of the season.


And that brings us to today’s game.  With Auburn still a very competitive bunch despite losing loads of talent from last year’s title squad, will the shenanigans of these three Bayou Bengals derail their own hopes of a title?  Will the threepence bag threesome be back to face Alabama even?  Will Lassie reach Timmie before the Honey Badger finds him in the mine shaft?  Tune in today to watch the saga unfold!

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